Often times when we meet or receive emails from couples for the first time we generally ask how they got into the lifestyle and how they like to engage with others or in other words we ask, “what’s your thing?” Some couples somewhat sheepishly start by saying, “well, we’ve only been married for a few years,” or “well, we are on our second marriage,” or “well we started by playing separately….”
We’ve discovered many couples compare their lifestyle journey to ours and think they have to apologize for not having the same interests, background and approach to playing as the Joneses. Wait, what?
Yes, we were married for 29 years before we chose to try the lifestyle and yes, we prefer same room play and yes, we are very deliberate when we consider playing with other couples and yes, we enjoy developing meaningful connections while also meeting new people. BUT, you don’t need to keep up with the Joneses on this one. Your thing is your thing!
The foundational characteristics of how we define the lifestyle are having:
- A trusting, loving and respectful relationship of your own
- Open and honest communication between yourselves and with others
- Confidence in yourself as an individual and in yourselves as a couple
- Respect and genuine care for others
- A sexy, safe and fun approach to playing
It’s not about how long you’ve been married or in a relationship. It’s not about how many marriages or relationships you’ve had. It’s not about your playstyle, or whether you’re straight or bisexual or older or younger. It’s not about your boundaries being different or being more of a sexual swinger than a social swinger. It’s about loving, growing and connecting in meaningful ways.
So now, what’s your thing?